Gilmore Girls Quotes

Brian: [Discussing names for the band] How about 'The We'?
Zach: We?
Brian: Yeah. We are 'The We.'
Zach: I can't talk about this anymore.

Michel: Well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It is a stupid American phrase.

Sookie: I will give it a 9.
Lorelai: 9+
Sookie: What will make it a 10?
Lorelai: Another half point.

Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me?
Luke: What?

Lorelai: You lost me at carrots, which was the first draft of 'you had me at hello'.

Rory: I don't hate you. I can't hate the pathetic.

Lorelai: Are you going to kiss me now? You are so incredibly predictable.

Marty: College is breaking my spirit. Every single day, telling me things I don't know. It's making me feel stupid.

Michel: [Sookie wants Michel to choose a cookie] I don't care.
Sookie: I just need a quick opinion!
Michel: It took me two seconds to tell you I don't care, that's as quick as I get.

Marty: [At Asher's wake, hands Rory a plastic cup] Root beer?
Rory: [Takes the cup] Yeah. Thanks, Marty, for everything. You've been such a huge help tonight.
Marty: For you, anything.

Tom: I got your doors.
Lorelei: Tom, I'm loving you like a two dollar whore.
Tom: Terriffic I'll tell the wife.

Richard: Focus, please.
Lorelai: I am a camera.

Luke: Is this how turkey legs are supposed to look?
Carrie: I don't know. Take off your pants and let us see.

Kirk: Hope ye took much pleasure in Kajagoogoo. Methinks Oingo Boingo wilst soon makest an appearance. But first, please clear the floor for our happy couple...eth.

Luke: Get out, Taylor.
Taylor: Why?
Luke: It's just a code I live by.

Rory: Asher Flemming is dead.
Marty: In bed?
Rory: No
Marty: Damn, I lost the pool.

Michel: I feel like crap on toast.

Lorelai: I'm going to go make out in the coat room. Don't eat my chicken.
Rory: That's going on your tombstone.

Luke: Well, if you have a big one you don't need a small one. [Lorelai opens her mouth to speak] Don't say 'dirty,' it's too easy. Hold these.

Lorelai: [At the town meeting, when everyone is talking about the bad things that Jess has done] I hear he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter!

Lorelai: [Talking to Rory on the phone] School comes before mommy's mental health.

Paris: I'm not denying that we've got a May - December romance going on here.
Rory: This is not May - December. This is May - Ming Dynasty.

Lorelai: It's not funny, it's bad. I have to see this guy. He works at every business in town, I can't get away from him.
Rory: Well, then you should marry him and move in with his mother.

Michel: Well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It is a stupid American phrase.

Dave: Thank you. You know, my parents would love these sandwiches. I wish I could bring 'em by but unfortunately they're in private bible study right now.

Finn: Good morning, New Haven! My, you look lovely this morning!
Man in apartment: Shut up!
Finn: God has spoken to me... rather rudely.

Lorelai: This is a misogynistic truck.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: It's anti-woman, it's gender - selective, it's Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up.

Rory: What? This is Stars Hollow, everything has a Hello Kitty stamp on the bottom.

Lorelai: Stop saying 'mother' like that.
Rory: Like what?
Lorelai: Like there should be another word after it.

Luke: When you date a girl like Rory, you're involved with her whole family. Just like that last girl you dated, you were involved with her whole petri dish.

Luke: You're not a contractor, you're a craftsman!
T.J.: Wow. I'm a craftsman! Like Jesus!

Lorelai: Women don't eat at all. They just look at food then jump on the treadmill.

Lorelai: You ruined my joke.
Rory: Um, no, the punchline ruined your joke.

Rory: [Into phone] And then he showed up with a black eye.
Lorelai: [Into phone] A black guy?
Rory: [Into phone] No, eye!

Lorelai: [To Luke] I've seen you swimming at the lake, so I've seen you with your shirt off.
Jess: Lately? 'Cause he's really let himself go.

[On the phone]
Lorelai: Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later.
Rory: Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.

Rory: [She is being stared at in the diner] I feel like a used car.

Luke: I didn't kick you out, you got yourself kicked out.
Jess: Nice spin, you should work for Bush!

Lorelai: Face it, Luke. People like you.
Luke: Shut up.
Lorelai: And with charm like that, how could they resist?

Lorelai: So, where are you now?
Luke: I'm about 10 minutes from If-I-lived-here-I'd-blow-my-brains-out.
Lorelai: Ah yes, I hear it's lovely there.

Lorelai: Mom, you signed us up for a couple's massage.
Emily: So?
Lorelai: A couple's massage is for a couple... not a couple of people.

Madline: Judy Garland is trendy?
Paris: Completely.
Louise: She was neo-addict retro chic.
Madline: No one tells me these things.

Emily: We intend to leave here completely different people.
Lorelai: Yes, I'm going to be Ted Nugent.

Emily: Champagne, anyone?
Lorelai: Oh, that's fancy.
Emily: Well it's not every day I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open.

Luke: Junkie.
Lorelai: Angel. You've got wings, baby.

Lorelai: Be nice.
Rory: You look like Nancy Reagan.
Lorelai: Oh, now how is that nice?

[Luke is shoveling Lorelai's walk after they had a fight]
Lorelai: Ooh, this is great. Can we fight again, 'cause I need my roof gutters cleaned.

Rory: You're really gonna just stand there and watch me eating a danish?
Luke: Cable is out and I'm starved for entertainment.

Rory: [On why she doesn't want to date Trevor] He carries a bottle of water around with him all the time. That's weird.
Lorelai: Right. Hydration. *Very* creepy.

Lorelai: All right, I should go. I called Luke last night and he made me promise to get the truck back by two hours ago, so if I leave now it's sooner than I planned.

Lorelai: Yeah, you do know honey that garbage doesn't actually talk at all unless it's on Sesame Street.

Rory: Some people like getting up early.
Lorelai: You lie.

Emily: You know, some men retire.
Richard: Yes, and some men tattoo their mother's names on their biceps.
Emily: I don't think the two are necessarily linked.

Lorelai: [Walking into Luke's diner] Give me a burger, onion rings, cheese fries, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm lookin' for some heroes.

Paris: We're friends?
Rory: I'm not sure if there is an exact definition for what we are, but I do think it falls somewhere in the bizarro friends-ish realm.

Christopher: May I have this dance?
Lorelai: I don't know. Do you have a trust fund? Always make sure.

Michel: To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown Cartoon.