Juno Quotes

Paulie Bleeker: Come on, let me carry your bag.
Juno MacGuff: Oh, what's another ten pounds?

Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Juno MacGuff: So guess what.
Paulie Bleeker: [Hesitant] What?... I don't know...
Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant.

[from trailer]
Mac MacGuff: [A very pregnant Juno enters the room] Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug!

Rollo: You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!

Juno MacGuff: Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

Leah: Whoa! Check out Baby Big Head. Dude, that thing is freaky lookin'.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

Mac MacGuff: Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.

Paulie Bleeker: I still have your underwear.
Juno MacGuff: I still have your virginity.
Paulie Bleeker: Would you shut up?

Mac MacGuff: Thanks for having me and my irresponsible child over your house.

Juno MacGuff: You should try talking to it. 'Cause, like, supposedly they can hear you even though it's all, like, ten-thousand leagues under the sea.

Juno MacGuff: I'm just gonna go ahead an nip this thing in the bud. Cuz you know, they say pregnancy often leads to, you know... [Brief pause]
Juno MacGuff: ... infants.

Vanessa Loring: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

Juno MacGuff: [Leaning up against the wall as she's in labor] OWW! OWW! f***ity OW!

Bren: Doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.

Mark Loring: [After Vanessa's asks him if he found an apartment] It's not an apartment, it's a loft.
Vanessa Loring: Well, aren't you the cool guy?

Su-Chin: [Protesting in front of the abortion clinic] All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!

Bren: I think that kids get bored and have intercourse.

Juno MacGuff: Hi, I'm calling to procure a hasty abortion...

Bren: When you move out I'm getting two Weimaraners!
Juno MacGuff: WHOA DREAM BIG!
Bren: Oh, go fly a kite!

Juno MacGuff: [Dog barking] Geez, Banana! Shut your freakin' gob!

Juno MacGuff: He said her house smells like soup.
Leah: Oh my god it does! I was there like four years ago for her birthday party. It's like Lipton landing!

Juno MacGuff: I could so go for like a huge cookie right now, with like, a lamb kabob simultaneously.

Gerta Rauss: So how far along are you?
Juno MacGuff: I'm a junior.

Juno MacGuff: Wow your shorts are like especially gold today.
Paulie Bleeker: My mom uses color safe bleach.
Juno MacGuff: Go Carol.

Vijay: You should grow a mustache?
Paulie Bleeker: I can't.
Vijay: Yeah, me neither.

Vijay: I'm gonna stop wearing underwear. Raise my sperm count.

Steve Rendazo: Hey, your book fell apart!
Juno MacGuff: Right?
Steve Rendazo: It must've looked at your face!

Mac MacGuff: Liberty Bell, if you put one more Baco on that potato, I'm gonna kick your little monkey butt.

Mac MacGuff: I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.
Juno MacGuff: I don't know what kind of girl I am.

Paulie Bleeker: I've wanted this for a really long time.
Juno MacGuff: I know.
Paulie Bleeker: [Exhales] Wizard.

Vanessa Loring: What's wrong? Why are you crying?
Juno MacGuff: I'm not crying, I'm just allergic to fine home furnishing.

Juno MacGuff: I named my guitar 'Roosevelt'-not Ted, Franklin. You know, the cute one, with polio.

Juno MacGuff: I need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever.

Juno MacGuff: Are you honestly and truly going to prom with Katrina Devore?
Paulie Bleeker: Uhh... hi...

Juno MacGuff: I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while.

Mac MacGuff: You don't even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds.
Juno MacGuff: God that was one time! And she did not die if you recall.

Leah: [Reading] 'Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other.' Aw... all that's missing is your bastard!
Juno MacGuff: I want a parakeet.

Juno MacGuff: Oh and you know what? I bought another Sonic Youth album and it sucked... it's just noise.

Mark Loring: Why does everyone think yellow is gender neutral? I never knew a guy with a yellow room.

Leah: But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie.

Juno MacGuff: You're quite the sellout, Mark. I mean... what would the Melvins say?

Juno MacGuff: Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term 'sexually active'. What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?

Juno MacGuff: Can I use the facilities? Because being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!

Leah: Yum, this pretzel tastes like a freaking DONUT!