Browse our collection of South Park quotes and sayings. Share South Park quotes with friends and family.
Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!
- Cartman
Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.
- Cartman
Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000.
- Cartman
Chef: Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.
Stan, what did I tell you about watching the osbournes? It's going to make you retarded!
- Stan's Mom
Uncle Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.
Cartman: Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.
Kyle's Mom: Just remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long
Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
Cartman: Respect My Authority!
Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny.
Kyle: You bastards.
Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
Cartman: Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
Chef: You know what they say: You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.
Kyle: I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.
Satan: Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.
Mr Garrison: Genetic engineering is man's way of correcting God's hideous mistakes, like German people.
Kyle: Kick the baby!
Ike: Don't kick the goddamn' baby.
Terrance: I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you're perfectly healthy. The bad news is that you have cancer.
Mr. Garrison: No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.
Cartman: I'm not fat. I'm big-boned.
Stan: No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass.
Stan: Dude, we don't have any talent.
Cartman: That didn't stop any of the other boy bands, damn it!
Michael Bay gets to keep making movies and Cartman gets his own theme park; there is no God.
- Kyle
Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!
- Cartman
Al Gore: I can get you all excused from school.
Cartman: You...have that kind of power?
Cartman: Do you know what this is? This is apple juice it gives me super bad farts.
Randy Marsh: Your mother's been worried sick! And I've been watching TV.
Cartman: Looks like you're about to get pwned.
Kyle: Did Cartman just crap treasure?
Cartman: It's mine! I got it out of the cave! It belongs to me!
Cartman: I did it, I...am...GOD!
Randy: How did I manage to raise such a smart kid?
Stan: I have a great teacher.
Randy: Thanks son.
Stan: No not you, my karate teacher. He's really smart.
Stan: Dad, aren't you kind of drunk?
Randy: It's ok Stan, I have some beer to keep my buzz going!
Cartman: The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!
Kyle: Do you really think my hat is stupid?
Stan: As a matter of fact, I think it is the nicest hat I have ever known.
Mr. Garrison: Look at the freak egg! It has two daddys! [Teasing] Two daddys, two daddys!
Cartman: God only knows the horrors that go on at girls' slumber parties.
Butters: I'm like the kid in that movie; I'm seein' dead people!
Angel 1: Jesus! Their army is massive!
Angel 2: Heaven help us!
Michael: Basically, Kenny, you... are Keanu Reeves.
Michael: God intended Kenny to die! What are these people doing?
Mrs. Garrsion: Hey boys. It's me your teacher Mrs. Garrison.
Cartman: [Whispers] You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties!
Cartman: If you want to hurt the Wall-Mart, you're gonna have to go through me.
Chef: Well, you children should be careful with those weapons, you could put somebody's eye out.
Kyle: Yeah, we know.
Kyle: Stop, dude! You're gonna scramble his brain!
Cartman: Go ahead and scramble it, then he won't remember it was us.
Kyle: You guys! I have awesome news!
Cartman: You have AIDS?
Kyle: Ow! What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
Cartman: I'm killing you. Unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat so this may take a while.
