Sookie Stackhouse: I never thought I would be having sex with you. At least, not so fast.
Bill Compton: [Flashes his fangs] Who said anything about sex?
Lafayette Reynolds: That boy is sex on a stick. I don't give a good damn how stuck up he is.
Denise Rattray: [Warningly] You don't wanna be on my bad side.
Sookie Stackhouse: I'm not sure you even have another side you no-account backwoods trash!
Sookie Stackhouse: [Seeing Bill for the first time] I've been waiting for this to happen ever since they came out of the coffin 2 years ago.
Good Old Boy Vampire: [To the clerk about pretending to be a vampire] You ever pretend to be one of us again and I'll kill ya. Got it?
Grabbit Quick Clerk: Yeah.
Good Old Boy Vampire: Have a nice day now.
Sam Merlotte: How you doing, Sookie?
Sookie Stackhouse: [Annoyed] I've had better nights.
Sam Merlotte: Yeah? Anything I can do to improve this one for you?
Dawn Green: [About Jason getting arrested] Sweetie, didn't you just know already?
Sookie Stackhouse: [Really irritated] I am not psychic!
Sam Merlotte: [To Sookie about being a vampire & synthetic blood] You willing to pass up all your favorite foods and spend the rest of your life drinking slim-fast?
Sam Merlotte: Tara, you know how to tend bar?
Tara Thornton: No.
Sam Merlotte: Fake it! [Handing her his appron and leaving]
Sam Merlotte: [Seeing her come from the woods] Sookie! Thank God. You okay?
Sookie Stackhouse: I'm fine. And for your information, not all vampires can take care of themselves.
Jason Stackhouse: You wanna go somewhere?
Dawn Green: Well, yeah I do... I wanna go home!
Jason Stackhouse: Hey, how come you didn't tell me you beat up the Rattray's last night?
Sookie Stackhouse: I haven't even seen you since then!
Denise Rattray: [About Sookie] I think she's reatarded.
Jason Stackhouse: [To Sookie, after taking some of her lunch] You gonna wear that suit, you might wanna start watchin' what you eat.
Arlene Fowler: [To her kid over the phone] You wanna timeout? 'Cause I can give you one over the phone!
Jason Stackhouse: You know, I read in Hustler everybody should have sex with a vampire at least once before they die.
Nan Flanagan: [About vampires] We're citizens. We pay taxes. We deserve basic civil rights just like everyone else.
Jason Stackhouse: I hooked up with Maudette last night. We had sex. That's all.
Andy Bellefleur: How would characterize the sex?
Jason Stackhouse: [Hesitant] Uh... it was okay.
Sav-A-Bunch Shopper: You are a very rude young woman!
Tara Thornton: Oh, this ain't rude. This is uppity!
Tara Thornton: You know how many people are having sex with vampires these days? Sometimes those people... disappear.
Dawn Green: [On the phone, to Jason] I'm sorry to break it to you, baby but you are not my only source for a good time.
Lafayette Reynolds: I know every man, whether straight, gay or George mother-f***ing Bush is terrified of the pussy.
Tara Thornton: [To Jason] Oh my God. You are a gigantic parody of yourself and you don't even know it.
Hoyt Fortenberry: Yeah, has to be because Jason's a real stand up guy.
Sookie Stackhouse: No he's not Hoyt. He is selfish, egotistical and a complete horn dog but he is not a killer!
Mrs.Newlin: If he's not the center of attention, he just flips out.
Rev. Newlin: You need to read you some St. Paul missy.
Mrs. Newlin: I hate your hair!
Arlene: I mean Daphney she was clumsy, stupid and mean but I wouldn't wish that kind of death on a possum.
Eric: I don't like being touched.
Bill: Oh believe me I don't like touching you.
Bud (Escorting Sam to a packed jail): Must be a full moon.
Sam: I'm pretty sure it's not.
Jessica: I-I'd been happy just to go on kissin' him all night long....Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on?
Maryann : You know why im so good to you? Because you need it so much...
Because it makes you bloom like a flower
Viking Soldiers: All will be well don't be afraid
Eric : I'm not afraid I'm pissed off
Gran: Oh Jason, you don't need help looking like a fool
Layfayette: Did i hear you say you slept with Sam?
Tara: He barks in his sleep.
Layfayette: Now you see, white people get all f***ked up
Eric: Is there blood in my hair?
Layfette: Yea, a little.
Eric: Pam is going to kill me.