Woody Allen Quotes

Quotes

Browse our collection of Woody Allen quotes and sayings. Share Woody Allen quotes with friends and family.

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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
-Woody Allen

The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
-Woody Allen

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree"-probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-Woody Allen

I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
-Woody Allen

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
-Woody Allen

I'm not a drinker - my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
-Woody Allen

I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.
-Woody Allen

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
-Woody Allen

Where I grew up... in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide... you know, everyone was too unhappy.
-Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?.
-Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
-Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
-Woody Allen

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
-Woody Allen

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. The horrible are the cancer patients and the terminal cases... the miserable is everyone else. So, be thankful that you're miserable.
-Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
-Woody Allen

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