'Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.'
-Johnny Carson
'I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.'
-Jon Stewart
'There is no sincerer love than the love of food.'
-George Bernard Shaw
'Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.'
-Michael Dresser
'You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.'
-Jay Leno
'A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.'
-Kin Hubbard
'Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt.'
-Roseanne Barr
'We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.'
-George Carlin
'Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.'
-P. J. O'Rourke
'My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.'
-Phyllis Diller
