Funny Christmas Quotes

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money."
- Author Unknown

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season,
a deeply religious time that each of us observes,
in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
- Author Unknown

"Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas."
- Kin Hubbard

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
- Larry Wilde

"You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger."
- Robert Paul

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
- Bob Phillips

"It's the holiday season. Let the overeating begin!"
- Melanie White

"A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn't get into a single argument all day."
- Melanie White

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
- Victor Borge

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of this day - the birth of Santa?"
- Bart Simpson

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."
- Kin Hubbard

"Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music."
- By Tom Sims

"Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present."
- Author Unknown

"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"
- Arlo Guthrie

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
- By Jay Leno

People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?
-Author Unknown

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money."
- Author Unknown

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
- Shirley Temple