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"You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.' - Robert Paul
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"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit." - Author Unknown
"Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?" - Tom Armstrong
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."- Bernard Manning
"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?" - Arlo Guthrie
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." - Joan Rivers
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. - Larry Wilde
