Humorous Christmas Quotes

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
- Henny Youngman

People get really get worried
That they have gained weight between
Christmas and the new year
Actually they should worry about the
Period till the new year
When they actually have lots of stuff
Merry Christmas to you!

"Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time."
- Doug Coupland

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
- Bob Phillips

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
- Johnny Carson

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
- W. C. Fields

"Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."
- Author Unknown

"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet."
- Author Unknown

One should learn from Santa in life
He has the right idea and manners
No actually, he is so very kind
He just visits everyone once a year
That too with happiness and no fear
A perfect surprise for Christmas my dear
Happiest Christmas surprise with cheer!

"Who's the bane of Santa's life? The elf and safety officer."
- By Catherine Tate

I think I will be the Santa this year
Every year I ask for many things
And end up getting nothing in my list
So I will sneak out of my room
And make my Christmas memorable
Enough for me too
It's the Christmas fun so lovely too
Merry Christmas to you!

People do not really love the mess created
In their homes day a night
But one mess they just love to create
And that is when one decorates the
Christmas tree in the night
A time with so much radiance
A time that is so much fun
Merry Christmas!

"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it "white".'
- Bing Crosby

One fat man will come to you
Ring the bell of your door too
He would quietly put you in a bag
And bring you to me Christmas
Because I have told Santa
That I want you as my Christmas gift
So don't you panic on this!

Christmas is just like doing
Work in your office, think about it
You are doing all the work
Day in and day out
And credit is taken by some fat guy around
As Santa takes the credit of Christmas fun
Haha..Wish you a Merry Christmas!

"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
- Johnny Carson

"There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas."
- Robert Lynd

"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neck ties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them."
- P.J. O'Rourke